Pirate Penguin vs Spider 1

In which, whilst telling an amusing anecdote, pirate penguin becomes interrupted due to arachnophobia! There will be a part two, forthcoming soonishfully, in which all is made clear and secrets are uncovered.

Would you like to hear the full story that pirate penguin is telling, with the evil kitten and the tap dancing ghosts? I'll make it up for you right now.

Pirate Penguin was visiting the great city of london, as one does, for a sherlock holmes convention. He was in costume, dressed up Wedlock Jones, Sherlock's cousin, from a piece of fan fiction pirate penguin wrote himself. He got to the convention hall, held in buckminster abby, when he discovered he had read his ticket wrong, and that the convention was in Octobuary, and it was currently march.

SO! Pirate penguin wandered the streets, distraught, having wasted his frequent flyer miles for nothing, when he bumped into the kindly Duke of Chizzingham, who invited him round to his country house for lots of tea and scones and beans on toast and rugby and whatever it is the English do.

WELL! It was a dark and stormy night, and the duke had all manner of eccentric guests, and then there was a whole bunch of murders, and since he was dressed as Wedlock Jones, the Famous Detective's Cousin, Pirate Penguin had to solve them, and it turned out that the butler's kitten Wenslydale had murdered all of the people, because it was an evil kitten. Then, to celebrate, they went out to the graveyard, and tapdanced with ghosts. THEY ARE THE GHOSTS OF BALLERINAS AND ARE VERY GRACEFULL.

Then pirate penguin was in a whole bunch of car chases, and a duel atop big ben with the duke of chizzingham who also turned out to be evil, and everything was tickety-boo.

THE END.